Jokes and funny stuff

Subject: Jokes and funny stuff Tue Sep 22, 2009 3:33 am

Post your jokes here lol!

Subject: Re: Jokes and funny stuff Tue Sep 22, 2009 3:33 am

Three Woman

Three women, two younger and one senior citizen, were sitting naked in a sauna. suddenly there was a beeping sound. the young woman pressed her forearm and the beep stopped. the others looked at her questioningly. 'that was my pager,' she said. 'i have a microchip under the skin of my arm.' a few minutes later, a phone rang. the second young woman lifted her palm to her ear. when she finished, she explained, 'that was my mobile phone. i have a microchip in my hand.' the older woman felt very low -tech. not to be out done, she decided she had to do something just as impressive. she stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. she returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from her rear end. the others raised their eyebrows and stared at her. the older woman finally said.... 'well, will you look at that... i'm getting a fax!!'

Subject: Re: Jokes and funny stuff Tue Sep 22, 2009 4:21 am

Blonde paint job
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

=============================================
Girls night out
Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'

=============================================
Glad to be drunk
A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."

Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"

"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."

Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."

=============================================

Subject: Re: Jokes and funny stuff Tue Sep 22, 2009 5:53 am

A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked, "How long before I
can get a haircut?"

The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours." The guy left.

A few days later the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours." They guy left.

A week later the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour and a half." The guy left.

The barber turned to a friend and said, "Hey, Bill do me a favour.
Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back."

A little while later, Bill returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.
The barber asked, "So where does that guy go when he leaves?"

Bill looked up, tears in his eyes and said........... Your house.

Subject: Re: Jokes and funny stuff Tue Sep 22, 2009 8:50 am

Diha toy gi kawatan.. Then, nisumbong to sya sa pulis. Gitawag dayon ang sketch artist para mo drawing sa kawatan..

Ingon ang gikawatan: "Nag orange man to sya then yellow ang buhok sir..."

Pag ka taod taod, ni dagan ang sketch artist padulong sa hepe ug mi-ingon...

"Sir, sir! Dli mani nato ma dakpan ang kawatan, kay kung dli ni si naruto, si son goku ni!"

Kornix!hahaha lol!

Chuunin (初心者) Posts : 77 Join date : 2009-08-29

Cheater_f wrote:: A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked, "How long before I
can get a haircut?"

The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours." The guy left.

A few days later the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours." They guy left.

A week later the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour and a half." The guy left.

The barber turned to a friend and said, "Hey, Bill do me a favour.
Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back."

A little while later, Bill returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.
The barber asked, "So where does that guy go when he leaves?"

Bill looked up, tears in his eyes and said........... Your house.

hmmm..explain sa ako beh..wa ko kasabot.. huhu Jokes and funny stuff Icon_neutral

Subject: Re: Jokes and funny stuff Wed Sep 23, 2009 12:54 am

jEWELrIDER wrote:

Cheater_f wrote:: A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked, "How long before I
can get a haircut?"

The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours." The guy left.

A few days later the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours." They guy left.

A week later the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour and a half." The guy left.

The barber turned to a friend and said, "Hey, Bill do me a favour.
Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back."

A little while later, Bill returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.
The barber asked, "So where does that guy go when he leaves?"

Bill looked up, tears in his eyes and said........... Your house.

hmmm..explain sa ako beh..wa ko kasabot.. huhu Jokes and funny stuff Icon_neutral

long story short, ang lalaki nga cge ug pangutana sa barber kay ang kabit sa iyang asawa!hahahah

Subject: Re: Jokes and funny stuff Mon Sep 28, 2009 12:47 pm

On a wedding a little girl asked one the bride's maid:

Little Girl: Why is the bride wearing white?

Bride's maid: Because today is the happiest time of her life.

After a long pause, the little girl asked again:

Little Girl: Then, why is the guy wearing black?

Subject: Re: Jokes and funny stuff Mon Apr 05, 2010 4:57 am

there were five lizards on the ceiling. four were dancing. how many lizards were left?

» Very funny pictures!